'Cause you know that you're toxic

Firstly, yes i have used a Britney Spears lyric for the title of this post. I am that cool….! Secondly, i am going to warn anyone who is about to read this, this is very much a rant and is not for the faint hearted. I can't guarantee how many times i will use swear words, I will try to refrain but you never know. For those of you who are close to me, you will know exactly the situation i am talking about, but i won't be using names or specific references to my own life (well i'll try not to). This is a rant about friendships, about being able to stand up for yourself, and about how certain relationships can be extremely toxic (hence the rather embarrassing use of Britney as a title)
For a lot of my life, i have let people walk all over me. I have let them manipulate me into doing things that i wouldn't necessarily have done on my own. I have always had the principle of 'I will be happy if everyone else is happy.' Of course, you can't live a healthy life with this as your mantra, but when i was younger, this is how i felt. (To a certain extent, i still think this way but i'm getting better at putting myself first) And certain people in my life have used this against me. Now, whether they did this knowingly or whether they just subconsciously took advantage of the fact that i was very submissive, i don't - and probably will never - know. Going to university changed me a lot. And i think i changed for the better (although i know some people don't see it this way). University made me realise that people can like you for being you, that you don't have to please everyone in order to make friends. It gave me confidence in myself and my ability to socialise. With the 'friends' i had during my school years, this was a new concept to me. I now had the ability to say 'no' if i didn't want to do something, i wasn't afraid to speak my mind and stand up for myself. Of course, when you have spent your life consciously (or subconsciously) manipulating someone, if they suddenly turn around and say "No i don't want to go out tonight", it can come as a complete shock. It can also come as shock when you turn around and tell that person some home truths. Friendship is a two-way street, they don't work when they are one-sided. A true friend should embrace change, should be happy for their friend when life goes in their favour, they should support their friend through life changes. And in return, you do the same for them. Friendship doesn't have to involve face-to-face meetings, I have several 'online' friends who i have never met in person but i know i can count on them if i needed them. And i hope that they know they can count on me if needed. They should also understand that everyone has a right to stand up for themselves and speak their mind. Of course, this is a bit of a grey area but by this i mean that friends argue. Arguments are a natural part of any relationship, it doesn't mean that that person never wants to speak to you again. We all get angry, and a lot of the time, this anger gets taken out on those who are closest to us. For instance, when i am angry i often take it out on my mum, even though she has done nothing wrong (terrible i know, i do always apologise once i've calmed down). However, recently i have discovered that some people do not see friendship in this way. They can't be happy for me because i now have a new and exciting life at university and they can't understand why i don't have time to go out everyday as i have work to do. (I should be doing work now rather than ranting but never mind). And because of this, i have recently lost someone very close to me. And the worst part is, i can't feel guilty about it because i know that our relationship was extremely toxic and unhealthy for both of us. Perhaps it is just a fact of growing up. People change and move on and start new lives. Maybe that is just what has happened to us, I don't know. All i know is that i can't feel bad about losing a friendship that was making me unhappy. This probably makes me very selfish and a bad person, but as i said, you can't live life pleasing everybody. Occasionally you have to put yourself first, above others, and do what is best for you. Rant over.