I feel anxious about writing about my anxiety

As you've probably already gathered, this post is all about my experience of anxiety. Now i understand that everyone is different and people experience things in different ways; this is just my own experience of suffering with anxiety. Anxiety comes in lots of different forms and can be triggered by lots of different things; going outside, being in a crowd of people, being the centre of attention. For me, anxiety is a constant nagging in the back of my mind that is permanently there. A lot of the time i'm quite good at ignoring it; I'm aware that it's there but i don't let it affect my day-to-day life. This can be an extremely difficult thing for a lot of people and i am grateful that for the majority of the time i am able to get on with my life. I think people who do not suffer from anxiety issues find it quite hard to understand why, for example, leaving your room may be difficult at times. As with most things in life, if you haven't experienced them yourself or know someone who has, it can be hard to understand. As the Mental Health Awareness Week's theme this year is anxiety, i figured i'd write a post about it. Anxiety is a funny thing as you are aware that what you are thinking is irrational and yet you can't help but think that way. For example, my dad is a pilot and every time he goes to work i think 'What if the plane crashes?' Now this is an irrational thought as statistically flying is the safest form of travel. I know that this is irrational, i know that the chances of anything happening to him are slim, but the thought is still there. 'What-iffing' is one of my anxiety's favourite things to do. I am constantly thinking about things that may or may not happen, despite how irrational they may seem. 'What if i get run over on my way to uni?' 'What if Mum crashes the car on her way to work?' 'What if I fail uni and then never get a job?' 'What if a member of my family suddenly dies?' The list goes on and on and consists of many different things, some more understandable than others. Another one i am particularly good at is mind reading; this is where you think you know what everyone is thinking (even though it's quite clearly impossible to know what someone is thinking). Every time i walk into uni, i think that everyone is looking at me and judging me or judging what i'm wearing. If i am having a bad day, this can (and has) stopped me from going into uni. And it's strange because i know that no one really cares about how i look or what i'm wearing, and even if they do, so what? As one of my councillors once said to me "You're not Madonna so why would they be looking at you?" And this is very true but it doesn't stop me thinking it. And it doesn't stop the tingling i get in my palms when i feel anxious (that i have right now as i'm writing this, hence the title). Another favourite, which is linked closely to 'what-iffing' is my ability to fortune tell. This is where i think i know exactly what is going to happen and, in most cases, it is often the worst case scenario. An example of this was when my granny told me that she had breast cancer. I immediately jumped to the worst case scenario that she would never get better and i would never see her again. I knew that they had caught it early and that she was starting treatment soon, and i even knew that the rates of beating breast cancer are extremely high these days. However, all i could do was begin fortune telling; creating the worst possible scenario in my head where she would die. Needless to say, my granny is fit and healthy, they removed the lump and there are no signs of the cancer anywhere else. Now perhaps this case is slightly more understandable than others, but none of the rest of my family panicked as i did. They all knew that as it had been caught so early, she was going to be fine. It is situations like these where people who suffer from anxiety are vulnerable and perhaps need more support than those who do not. Everyone gets anxious at times, whether it's because you are about to take exams or have a job interview or a dentist's appointment. However, imagine how it must feel like for you to constantly have that feeling of anxiety, the 'butterflies in your stomach', sweaty palms, nervousness you feel. For those of us who live with anxiety, that is what it is like. And at times, it can be extremely tiring and frustrating. We are well aware of the fact that how we are thinking is irrational, and yet, there is nothing we can do to stop it (I say 'nothing', of course there are lots of treatment methods but it takes a certain amount of courage in order to seek help and a lot of the time people don't and struggle through it) I've just realised that i sound a bit preachy at the end, sorry for that, but i do feel quite strongly about raising awareness for mental health as i think a lot of people don't understand. And i think it is hard for you to realise that some people can't 'just get over it' or 'stop thinking about it'. Hopefully, during Mental Health Awareness Week (May 12th-18th) this will change. Now, excuse me as i hit 'publish' before hiding under my duvet for the rest of the day!